How Your Post-natal Doula Can Help After A Difficult Delivery

Difficult deliveries are never planned. This blog is about how I can help you afterwards.

No matter how much we plan, when we give birth, it can all go a bit off track. Things happen that we never expected, and doctors can’t foresee. Consultants try their very best, and yet still things can go wrong. We don’t often talk about what can happen after a difficult delivery; it’s a difficult subject. But we need to talk about it so that we are better prepared to deal with it if it sadly comes our way.

I would dearly love to pretend that being a post-natal doula is simply a profession where I deliver smoothies and offer hand massages. The real truth is that through my years of being a post-natal doula, I have helped clients who are bound to the NICU wards for weeks, helped them settle after they’ve come home shell-shocked, and held them as they have grieved as well as transitioned. Being a post-natal doula is about walking alongside you no matter what happens. 

Premature Help

No-one is ever prepared for a premature birth, and you need help and support right away, rather than in our planned schedule of working together. This is absolutely not a problem! I always keep my schedule flexible, and I am able to work with you and your family to provide what you need. 

Visits To The Hospital.

Visiting you and Bubs in hospital is a very practical way I can help.

NICU wards are not comfortable, and it’s not where you or your partner were imagining when you dreamed of the day you welcomed Bubs into the world. We need to make sure both of you are getting enough rest and support, and this is where I can come in and help. If you need to have an hour to get a shower, go for a walk, and grab a coffee on your own whilst your partner goes home to get fresh clothes and sorts stuff out, I am more than happy to come to the hospital and be there for what you need. Sometimes it's the non-judgemental, quiet company that is needed at times like this (and I promise to bring homemade snacks!).

If you have had a C-Section and are recovering from surgery whilst Bubs is receiving their extra help, I can also be there to help lift them onto you, and work through the best way of making sure they are latching on for breastfeeding, if that is what you would like to do. 

Hand and foot massages in hospitals can bring gentle relief from the heightened emotions that are all around you, and I can certainly be there with this one! Massage can help with calming all the stress hormones that can hamper healing and milk production. 

NICU stays are never going to be great, but we can ease them so that you have the strength that Bubs needs from you, and I am totally here for you through this time. 

Doorstep Deliveries.

Healthy food ready for you to take to the hospital, or to enjoy at home, can easily be dropped off to your home.

As you juggle hospital visits and the wider family, eating healthy food that enables your body to get the nutrients it needs to heal can go to the bottom of the list. Sugar often takes its place, which is understandable in the moment, but doesn’t do you any good in the long run. Sugar crashes and headaches, low moods and the endless cycle of not getting on top of your energy will burn you out. 

Doorstep deliveries are a great option, as I simply drop off the food that you need; whether that is for the hospital, your home, or both. My cooking is done at home, and prepared by me so that I can guarantee it’s created for your dietary requirements whilst also being optimised for your healing. 

Nutrition is all too easily swept aside in times of emergency and un-predicted health needs, but it is vital so that we can get you and bubs through the dark days in the healthiest manner possible. (This also goes for keeping on top of your water intake, by the way, especially if you are breastfeeding!) 

Mindful Meditations.

Guiding your through mindful meditations can help your stress calm, and your breath slow down.

Both whilst at the NICU and when you are back home, I can take you through mindful meditations and visualizations that help bring you back to a calm point. Focusing on deep breathing to still the worry and calm your anxiety. Along with relaxing your body and unclenching your jaw, these times are ideal when Bubs is sleeping. 

When I visit Mums after difficult births, combining touch therapies with the meditations are some of the most restorative and healing times imaginable. There is power in letting go as much as you can; it gives you the clarity and strength needed in the near and distant future. It also breaks the all encompassing worry (the monkey mind) that can circulate through your thoughts, which never helps you, or anyone else! 

I also record the relaxation techniques so that you can use them when I am not physically with you. You can always have it in your tool box the moment you need to pull it out on your phone.

Signposting Help.

My last blog was all about how post-natal doulas can help signpost you towards a wonderful team of holistic and medical practitioners who can help you find your path forward. From Osteopaths with specialist training in neo-natal care, physiotherapists who can help with your scarring and work with you towards healing, to reflexologists and acupuncturists who can offer equilibrium, and talking therapists who can help you get through the worst of times; these people are there and I can help you find them when it all feels too much. 

Continual Cups Of Tea And A Listening Ear.

The tea-cup is always full and hot.

When your birth has not gone to plan, you will want to talk about it at some point, maybe not initially, but I am here to offer a non-judgemental space for you to work out what you want, and hear all you need to say. I am not a trained talking-therapist, however I have seen the power of talking with a professional who is there to hold Bubs whilst you walk around the kitchen, pottering about. The tea, cake, and tissues are in plentiful supply, and I am more than happy to hold that space with you. 

When it’s all gone wrong.

When it doesn't hold your dreams...

The site of an empty cot when it should be cradling your sleeping baby is the worst of all times. There are no words that I can write, or say, that will ever come close to soothing the heartbreak. Many people presume that a post-natal doula will not work with them at this point, but that way of thinking could not be further from the truth. 

My focus is always on Mum and how she is healing after giving birth. All the ways that I can help still apply, most definitely, to when you need it the most; in the darkest of times. Grief is a bitch, and one thing I do know is that grieving with the best support around you is the healthiest way of going through it. Even when food tastes like ash, and you have no desire to have a bath, I will be there to hold your hand, make sure you are looked after, and connecting in with you on a regular basis. 

It’s a joy to be here with you, no matter what is going on, and I love that once I am your doula, I shall always be your doula. 

With love and support, 

Sam xx