Being a parent through a head cold is bad enough, but what happens when you get a diagnosis of chronic illness like cancer when you’ve just given birth? Today, I am going to set out the five ways your birth doula can help you as you navigate a surprise diagnosis.
I hope that this blog will help you, or someone close to you, feel equipped and supported after diagnosis. Although my experience is of cancer, and my analogies are pulled from there for this blog, the care that I am sharing is the same for all illnesses; they are all awful and unwanted, and neither is worse or bigger than the others. It’s just all rather rubbish, so let’s start tidying up a little around the edges to allow the process to be a little easier. After my 20 year journey with breast cancer, and training as a doula whilst going through treatment, my hope is that I bring fresh, practical, and positive help for you here in this blog, as well as in our sessions when we work together.
Signposting
The word ‘Signposting’ is dry at best, and oblique at worst. So what does it actually mean and how can it be relevant to your experience?
Imagine the medical care system as a maze. Mazes are tough; you can’t see over the hedges, they can feel claustrophobic, they are often quite dark, and they are always a little scary. A signpost is what you need at each turn, as then you can find where you need to go in the right direction in the quickest possible time.
The NHS offers a lot of help for Mummas who are going through different concerns, and it’s vital to know how to ask for it so that the support you receive is personal to you and your family. My role as your doula is to be there to point you (signpost you) in the right direction! Whether that is introducing you to the holistic care centre that is attached to your hospital (The Fountain Centre in Guildford, for example), or making sure that you are asking for physiotherapy so that you can hold your baby without pain.
In 2023, the NHS committed to helping new Mummas throughout their pregnancy if they had a pre-existing condition, or if they were diagnosed with a new one during their term. Part of this was to extend the rollout of specialist centres within local hospitals. However, it is hard to even think of checking them out when you are filled with sadness and pain, let alone connecting with them. As your doula, that is a ball I can start rolling for you, by finding out what is there, who can help, and when you need to make the appointments. Taking that weight off your shoulders is part of our doula roll, and as your doula we will never judge you for the decisions that you make about your own health; we will support you all the way through the maze and at every turn.
The charity that I would love to share with you is Mummy’s Star, who I have worked with in the past. They offer fantastic signposting throughout the UK, and offer crisis help when it all starts to kick off. Just click the link to go straight to their website.
Nutrition
I remember when I was going through my chemo journey, my Mum had filled the fridge with every vegetable I could think of, and all I wanted was white toast and a cup of tea.
As you know by now, I love to cook for you, and if that means that when you come home from treatment days you want toast and tea, I will be there popping the bread under the grill! But I will also make sure that your freezer is packed full of nutritiously balanced meals for you to heat up when you want them.
The reason I make sure there are always healthy options for you to snack on is so you have great options within easy reach. Your body needs good fuel to help the healing process; whether that’s after your cesarean section, virginal birth, or any other kind of medical treatment. (Even if you sprained your ankle, your body would need healthy food to help heal the tissue!) I have also seen how well prepared food helps mental health, especially when combined with staying hydrated, and moving our bodies as much as we can, even if that is simply doing a few stretches throughout the day.
I often see these ‘little things’ as lego blocks being stacked on top of each other to build a strong house. They are so easily underrated and overlooked, but making sure that you have a kitchen that is going to support you, rather than slow you down, is what I am all about.
There’s no need to skip the stuff we crave, as long as we get some hummus on the toast at some point!
Helping With The Juggle
An extra pair of hands are always needed, even on the best of days, but when you are trying to get to appointments there’s even more of a need for them.
With any diagnosis, there are times when you have to be at the hospital at strange times. Holding a baby or keeping a little person occupied in a sterile waiting room can add to the stress, which is never going to help your day go well. Partners can’t always take time off work to be there with you, and sometimes having to always ask friends to help can add to the headache of organisation. With disturbed sleep routines whilst feeling ill, there is a lack of headspace to deal with ‘all the things’: At this point, quite simply, I’m here to hold the baby!
As your doula I can help in different ways. I can either be there at the hospital or GP centre with you, or take Bubs for a couple of hours whilst you go and do what you need to do. If you need lifts to appointments, I can also help to make sure they are organised, and together we can make a plan that you are happy with so it works for your family and your needs.
There is also the part of doula care that is not talked about enough; I can advocate for you. When you are in your appointments, I can be there to take notes, make sure that the words the Consultants are saying are understood by you, and remind you of questions you have had that need answering. I can also make sure that the plans that you would like to see happen for your care are implemented in a way that is agreed by you and your consultant, and we can agree on further signposting.
A Listening Ear
The kettle is always on, and there are any number of cups of tea. We can sit down and you can talk it all out, and I will simply listen to how you are feeling, what you are thinking, and make sure that you have enough tissues when you want to cry it all out.
Holistic care through diagnosis and treatment is vital for your physical and mental health, and there are ways that you can access it without cost whilst you are going through cancer care. The NHS based Fountain Centre, and others, offer counseling, reflexology, massage and other services that can help you start to feel better and gather a sense of understanding about what is happening to you whilst your family is growing. It is never easy, but the professionals are there to help you through it.
Being The Buffer
‘Buffer’ is my doula middle name! When the s**t has hit the fan; when it’s all gone to pot, and there is absolutely no way you want to see family or friends, but you do need help, that is when I step in as your doula!
Being the buffer between your sanctuary at home and the outside world is sometimes the best thing to offer you so that you can stabilise and find your own equilibrium again. Stability is a core part of healing, and having space find peace when all the world is turning in the wrong direction is key. Having a doula there to make sure there is a sense of calm and order in your home is a huge part of the support we can give you.
Retreating and resting is not slacking out of responsibilities; it is time when you are able to reconnect with yourself and find the headspace to work out what you want, what you need, and how to get both.
I am here for you
Whether you are in the start of your journey, in the middle, or close to the finish line, I can always help support you and Bubs when it all gets rocky. I’ve been there and worn the t-shirt many times, and I can understand how the stress hits differently when you are a new Mum. My little one was just 18 months old when I had my second round of treatment for cancer, and trying to find enough oxygen to breathe was hard at times, and I could not have done it without the support I received during that time. To be able to offer that to other women who are going through it now is my joy, and I am here for you!
Until our next blog, remember…
…once your doula, always your doula!
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